Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Eighth One

28/09/15

Dear Primavera,

You know how people identify as either introvert or extrovert? Unlike them, I fit perfectly in the middle.

At first, I thought I was an introvert since I am extremely shy and unable to talk to people without bluffing. I'd rather go on Tumblr in the comfort of my dark room than attend lavish balls. I relish silence more than listening to people's delightful conversations.

But then, there's another side to my persona. I live my life with the fear of being forgotten by my loved ones. When I'm not surrounded by a person or a group of people, I can't have someone to listen to my incessant rants and give me helpful advice. When I'm alone I feel vulnerable at times.

If I'm alone, then I become angry. If I'm surrounded by people, then I become angry as well. I understand myself.

Yours sincerely,
An intro-extro-vert.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Seventh One

27/09/15

Dear Primavera,

It has only been two days since the end of Term 3 and I am abhorrently bored. Fatigued out of my mind.

When I am not encouraged to stress about something that tiny spark of ambition disappears from my mind.

I can't seem to grab the tiniest pinch of my creativity from my mind. I'm not even sure if I could write anything more apart from the fact that I'm unoccupied and lonesome.


Yours sincerely,
All the thoughts Marian can generate for now.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Sixth One

26/09/15

Dear Primavera,

The year seven version of myself had social anxiety (I still have social anxiety. Nothing has changed), which made it difficult to ask for help or sit with anyone at lunchtime. I tried to cling onto my primary school friends, but eventually they had branched out and met new friends. I was solitary.

However, someone changed that.

During P.E., my class and I played t-ball (technically, I just stood there (when I say nothing has changed, absolutely nothing has changed)) and as the game went on, I saw these two girls standing and gossiping across from me and they returned my glare. One of them was a primary school friend, and the other one seemed to be a Filipina. They both approached and invited me to gossip along with them since I was as still as a stick.
"So," I said to the Filipina-looking girl, "are you from the Philippines?"
"Well, my mum is a Filipina. I was born here," she replied.
"I also heard that you were from Eye-ran."
"It's pronounced 'Eee-ran', and yes, my dad is Iranian," she corrected.
The tedious game of t-ball lingered on as the three of us giggled in the sunshine and completely ignored the whole class.

This Filipina-Iranian girl has taught me to be more confident and care less about negative thoughts. Despite the burdens we have come across in our friendship, she remains one of the most faithful people I've ever met.

Happy birthday to the beautiful Serafina.

Yours sincerely,
A grateful friend.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Third One

23/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Anjeline arrived at 5:00 p.m. We began to rehearse the scene that entwines the whole plot. Every time we tried to rehearse the scene, either one of us began to chuckle. However, after about fifteen rehearsals we successfully filmed it! Yay! A true teenage effort!

----------JUMP CUT TO THE 24TH OF SEPT.----------

I couldn't write anything last night because I was furiously editing our short film. It took about two hours to edit the whole movie because I had to use two different facetious programmes. The first one said that I had used up all my memory, and the second one crashes whenever I use it. It also took me one hour to convert the whole film into a suitable video file. Since this all began at 8:00 p.m., I had to surpass my bedtime and had to bear the next day sleep deprived. Yay! A true teenage effort!

Yours sincerely,
I don't know why I've written this post. I need sleep.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Fifth One

25/09/15

Dear Primavera,

As soon as that 2:45 p.m. bell rings, the students at my school will taste the refreshing flavour of freedom and relaxation.

Well, except for me.

I'm a study freak. I can't help it! I can't pass a day without at least an hour of studying something. It could be anything, as long as it's an academic subject.  When I try to avoid studying, a wild spirit appears in front of me and haunts me for hours, begging for some sort of nourishment. As that spirit rages on and on, I transform into an emotional wreck.

Goodbye to term three, and good luck to me finding something to study during this tedious time.

Yours sincerely,
A student about to enter a state of ennui.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Fourth One

24/09/15

Dear Primavera,

I forgot to write about the premiere of our film assignment in the last letter. I was so exhausted that as soon as I wrote the 'yours sincerely' part, I hibernated my laptop and passed out.

Before I write to you about the premiere, two days ago my English teacher approached me as I was doing my work. She noticed that Ophelia and Anjeline weren't present and so I was left deserted.
"It doesn't seem realistic that you could finish your short film by tomorrow," she said.
Well, it turned out that our group managed to finish the entire movie in hours.
Yesterday, when our film project was due, I delightfully announced that my group and I had finished our short film. Our English teacher dropped her jaw in awe.

As our other classmates' short film played, I grew more and more anxious by the seconds. I knew our group worked hard, but I began to think our movie had no potential against the other movies. I just wanted to crumple the entire video and burn it in a furnace.

At the end of our short film, most of my classmates seemed impressed. We don't know our grade yet, but hopefully we passed the standard.

Yours sincerely,
A young filmmaker who is glad this assignment is over.

Letters to Primavera~ The Twenty-Second One

22/09/15

Dear Primavera,

I've had enough of this short film assignment. Both Anjeline and Ophelia aren't showing up to any filming sessions or school today, and Ophelia brought the camera home with her.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! It's so bad! Why is this happening! It's not supposed to happen! We should have an extension during the holidays. We're not showing these films to our parents until next term, so why can't we do that instead?

------------------- JUMP CUT TO THE LATER AFTERNOON -------------------

There is hope for our short film! Anjeline is coming to film after school today despite her mild illness. However, Ophelia is nowhere to be found. I bet she's not even sick. I'll update you later on how our filming goes.

Yours sincerely,
A relieved filmmaker.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-First One

21/09/15

Dear Primavera,

When/if you saw my face today, you could try to count the spots on my and never reach the end.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm stressed.

I arrived at school this morning, using the tiny bit of sanity left inside of me. When I encountered Ophelia at the school gate, I lost that sanity and transformed into a monster. I just couldn't help it. She missed out on filming because she had to go to town.

Another thing is that Anjeline didn't show up to school today. All of my hope for this assignment was about to flow down the drain until Ophelia arranged to film this afternoon. We filmed a little bit of the ending and completed the storyboard. It may be some work completed, but it still wasn't enough. I am still stressed out nonetheless.

Yours sincerely,
An extremely anxious student.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twentieth One

20/09/15

Dear Primavera,

When I woke up this morning, my mum asked for today's date.
"It's the nineteenth," I answered.
"No. It's the twentieth. Yesterday was the nineteenth," responded Dad.
Primavera, how in the world is it the twentieth day of September today? Time passes as quickly as light travels. It astonishes me.

This afternoon Anjeline, Ophelia and I were supposed to shoot our short film for English. I had to clean up the entire house along with the help of Dad. As the clock ticked one p.m., the time when we begin filming, none of them showed up! However, Anjeline notified me this morning, but Ophelia didn't. I waited a little bit longer than 1 p.m., but once the clock hit two p.m., three p.m., four p.m., Ophelia didn't show up without calling me or contacting me in any way. At this point I grew a little tense and worried. The project is due this Wednesday, and now I feel hopeless. Plus, this project is worth 20% of our overall English grade. Hopefully both of them can show up on Tuesday, our last day for filming.

Yours sincerely,
An overwhelmed student who is sincerely exhausted.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Nineteenth One

19/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Yesterday and today, I experienced my first sleepover. It's quite exciting, especially considering that at the 'mature' age of fourteen younger children have had more sleepovers than I have.

Yesterday afternoon Sera, Anjeline, Charisma, Gwen and Elaine had a baking marathon consisting of cookie pizzas and brownies. Elaine and me, being the masters of the culinary arts in the group, lead the process of creating these delicious goods while Sera and Anjeline scoffed down some chips and played on their phones, Charisma ran around the house managing things and Gwen watched/helped and slurped down the leftover chocolate icing at the end. Somehow we managed to burn the brownies and underbake one of the cookie pizzas.

After this baking marathon, the group and I watched and listened to some music videos. We also heavily criticised some particular music videos, which was pretty inevitable. During this event Charisma's cousin, Charlotte, came along.

As the night came the whole group munched on a delicious meal prepared by Charisma's parents and sang happy birthday to Charisma.

Hours later, we got comfy in our pajamas and returned to our music video marathon. Later on, we transitioned into a movie marathon of 'The Princess Bride' (suggested by Dr. Marian Yao) and '10 Things I Hate About You' (suggested by the ever elegant Gwen).

Our group struggled to fall asleep as Charisma and Elaine mourned on and on about their crushes on Heath Ledger after Gwen announced to them that he had passed away. The group also continued to chat about other things until 3 a.m. as Anjeline and I tried our best to ignore their noise and snooze. After all, it was an exhausting day.

The next day we slept in and woke up to the sizzle of pancakes. Well, technically, we didn't. I woke up at 6:54 in the next room (Everyone was too loud in the main room, so I had to move!) and read some pages of my book as I waited for the others to wake from their slumber. At around ten o'clock we cooked our own pancakes and watched more music videos (we just never stop).

At two-thirty that afternoon, everyone began to leave and that was the sad conclusion to a splendid sleepover. I wish every time someone has a birthday in our group that we celebrate with sleepovers. Sera's birthday is coming soon, so hopefully we could celebrate the same way.

Yours sincerely,
Someone who has experienced their first sleepover a little later than the average age.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Eighteenth One

18/09/15

Dear Primavera,

This Friday was relaxing, as it was a teacher-only day. I managed to complete some homework and some chores.

Later this afternoon I will attend a sleepover at Charisma's house to celebrate my late birthday. I know how ridiculously late this celebration is due, but the group suggested so. What a loving bunch of ladies.

Yours sincerely,
A laid-back lass.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Seventeenth One

17/09/15

Dear Primavera,

There was a girl of Maori descent who I met in year two. Every time I took a glance at her, she always showed an enthusiastic expression. Of course we were at a young age when everyone showed gleaming smiles, but when I saw her she was as distinct as the Southern Cross constellation: something you didn't see often and is always shining brightly at each glance.

When we had free time at school, she introduced me to the magical world of music. There was a large stereo at one corner of the classroom and we would turn it on and balter around the classroom, also at times our teacher allows us to 'perform' in front of the class.

I think meeting her was one of the best parts of my early childhood, and also inspired my passion for music.

So here's to Charisma. Happy Birthday, and thanks for treating me like a real friend.

Yours sincerely,
A grateful friend.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Sixteenth One

16/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Writing and creating stories has always been an escape from the troubles in my life. I collect as much of my emotions as possible and pour them onto paper or a document.

What I wrote today was a piece that I am going to enter into a writing competition at my school. The theme for the writing competition is mental health awareness, so the piece has more emotion and deep thoughts compared to what I write to you on a daily basis. Hopefully the judges don't consider it to be too depressing or exaggerated as my dad has said to me.

Yours sincerely,
An ever-so poetic young writer.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Fifteenth One

15/9/15

Dear Primavera,

From now on, I will post letters one day late.

Today, the year nine population at my school were given an orientation of what options (also known as co-curricular classes) there are to choose from in year ten.

There are two option lines - the first one being the arts and the second being technologies - and each of the option teachers gave us clear overviews of what they teach year tens (I have to admit, all of the teachers made the options more exciting than they actually are - the power of promotion). Some of the courses last for a full year - such as languages and technologies - and some last for half the year - such as business studies and drama - unlike year nine, where all of the options last for two terms each.

I'm pretty quick and excited to choose options each year, so after school today I ranked the options from one to four - one being 'I WANT THIS' and four being 'meh, I wouldn't mind taking this - on each option line. For the first option line I ranked Spanish as first (obviously), music as second, dance as third and French as fourth. For the second option line I chose drama as first (they're doing SHAKESPEARE! I wouldn't pass that opportunity for something else!), computer science as second, food and nutrition for third and business for fourth - the rest of the options had to do with technology and art which I am poor at.

I'm already bursting with excitement for year ten - bring it on!

Yours sincerely,
A future year ten.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Fourteenth One

14/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Last night was the most difficult time to rest. After a most positive day, I fell into the pit of misery and my insecurities refused to leave my thoughts. It was difficult.

Was it because I am a teenager and going through these sporadic hormonal changes? Am I actually born this way? None of these questions can be answered, I feel.

Well, let's see how we go tomorrow.

Yours sincerely,
An exhausted (and probably depressed) young person.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Thirteenth One

13/09/15

Dear Primavera,

When midnight stroke hours ago, I didn't feel any different. No explosion of glitter fell upon me, no angel appeared to affirm this new age.

My first day of being fourteen began with a loving embrace from my mother, a sweet greeting from Rochelle, and kiss on the cheek from my father. Next, we attended Church and reconnected with God after a short period of absence. This was followed by a delectable lunch, and then a coffee meeting with friends -- well, a frappuccino meeting for me; I can't handle coffee. As the afternoon continued, the social aspect of the day ended and I needed to focus on my homework and chores; realistically I can't escape work, no matter what day it is.

Thank you to everyone who greeted me, you have made my fourteenth birthday memorable and mirifical. And thanks to my parents, this day is dedicated to you two as well.

Yours sincerely,
A grateful new fourteen-year-old.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twelfth One

12/09/15

Dear Primavera,

I've spent the whole day playing guitar, taking naps, writing missing letters to you and completing homework.

I can't live throughout a day without being productive. I'm both a night owl and an early bird; I'm an early owl or a night bird.

And that, dear Primavera, is how I spend my last hours as a thirteen-year-old. As soon as midnight strikes, I'm fourteen.

Yours sincerely,
A sleepless thirteen-year-old.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Eleventh One

11/09/15

Dear Primavera,

"So, Marian," says Serafina, "What are you going to do for your birthday?"
My other friends stop their separate conversation and wait for my answer.
"Study," I stated calmly.
All of a sudden, five pairs of eyes stared into the depths of my soul, silent as a feather falling.

I hope that passage grabbed your attention like a hawk swooping upon prey.
Okay, I'll stop with the dramatic descriptions.

My birthday is coming soon and my friends and family are taking note of it as if it were Christmas. They ask what I'd like to do (as seen above), preach about how I'm becoming a young lady, and every time I approach them they can't talk about anything else.

To me, fourteen isn't a significant number; it will only mark how long I've lived in this dear world. But I can see how my loved ones think of it as "important" since the number also represents how much I've changed since last September. And that's a lot.

Yours sincerely,
A birthday girl-to-be.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Tenth One

10/09/15

Dear Primavera,

In religious education (R.E.), my class and I are learning about how life was created. I'm not looking for any debates here because nobody really knows how the universe was formed.

Was is caused by the 'Big Bang' - everything suddenly appeared in one take - or was there a mysterious being/s that created each part of life in seven, separate days?

I like to believe that living organisms are never allowed to know what really happened. That life is just how it is, and science and other theories cannot debunk it.

Yours sincerely,
A curious teenager.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Ninth One

9/09/15

Dear Primavera,

I know how all adults, if not most, incessantly rant about how easy us teenagers/young people have at life.

That's not true.

Each time the 3:00 pm bell rings, us students go home with overflowing amounts of assignments to complete within 16 hours.

Now, let me do some calculations based on this predicament:
16 hours - 2 hours to relax/eat meals = 14 hours to let
14 hours - 9 hours to sleep = 5 hours to let
5 hours / 7 assignments per hour = 0.71 hours per subject assignment.
= 43 minutes to complete each assignment from seven subjects (English, maths, science, subject options, etc.).

In some cases, especially with theater kids and students who come from troubled families, have to balance school with extra-curricular activities and personal cases. The homework they are given takes HOURS to complete. From the pressure, these students pass out on stage or end up having severe cases of mental illnesses.

No, I am not procrastinating; some teachers are giving us assignments that are due by impossible dates while some students are participating in out-of-school activities.

And to think that 'school' was derived from a Greek word that means 'leisure', the whole issue becomes worse.

Yours sincerely,
An uptight high school student.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Eighth One

8/09/15

Dear Primavera,

My first best friend was this girl who was born nearly a year after me. The two of us, along with our mothers and her brother, shared every single moment of my early childhood. My earliest memory of ours was when her mother placed her next to me on the same crib. She was a miniscule handbag and as delicate as rice paper.

When I left the Philippines, I remembered that it was the most devastating moment in our bond. I recall a photo taken at my farewell party where she pouted and avoided the camera, in utter disgust that she was about to lose a dear mate.

I see recent pictures of her and they remind me of the times we spent as little babies. I'm proud of her and how well she's doing in her life.

This letter is dedicated to my lovely cousin, Mikee. I hope you had a splendid birthday. I miss you so much!

Love,
Ate Maui

Letters to Primavera ~ The Seventh One

7/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Why is computer programming so difficult?
I thought coding was this wonderful world of ease and knowledge, where you get the chance to create websites and control robots when really it's about functions and endless panic.

Have you watched 'Big Hero 6'? During the climax of the film, Hero is feeling desolate and then Baymax plays this montage of Tadashi creating Baymax. You can see how disappointed Tadashi seems throughout the montage, but after over 70 tries and countless hours he begins to make Baymax work.

What computer coding has taught me is to never give up, and that all the stress you get is worth it at the end.

Yours sincerely,
Marian "why is computer science so hard?" Yao

Letters to Primavera ~ The Sixth One

6/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Since you came to New Zealand, my mother warns me to leave my heater off since it's "warmer and the heater is broken from previous usages." However, it is FREEZING! Your buddy, Winter, has refused to leave our presence. Tell them to disappear, or consequences will prevail.

Today I interviewed an entrepreneur. He and his wife run a new travel agency and are acquaintances with my dad. The interview actually ran smoothly. which was unexpected because I can't talk to people. You've read my second letter, and in that letter I mentioned that I become insecure when I talk to adults (actually, make that anyone I talk to. Even friends and family). The entrepreneur and his wife were skillful talkers which made the interview more comfortable, as well as my dad being there to accompany me. Now that the social interaction part is done, I can create the presentation in the comfort of being alone.

Yours sincerely,
A girl who has social anxiety.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Fifth One

5/09/15

Dear Primavera,

As an exhausted wreck right now, I hereby declare that September is the busiest month I've had so far in 2015, and we're only five days into it!

I spent the day rehearsing for a dance, writing letters to you, finishing up on assignments, and completing chores. All in all, a productive day, but I feel the desperate need to collapse into bed and dig my head into my pillows.

Later this month I will turn another year older, finish 3/4 of my life as a year nine, and host a festival while simultaneously documenting everything to you. Wish me all the luck in the universe, Primavera.

Yours sincerely,
Marian

Letters to Primavera ~ The Fourth One

4/09/15

*This letter was supposed to be released yesterday, but due to my busy schedule it has been posted today. However, this letter is written as if I wrote it yesterday.

Dear Primavera,

Most people think Friday is the best day of the week. However, they are wrong (in my opinion). Fridays are the epitome of evil. Here's how my Friday went:

I woke up this morning to the voice of my dad reminding me that I overslept. I quickly got ready for school and didn't check my bag. For the day, I had English first, an R.E. test second, social studies third, maths fourth, and P.E. fifth. As I was editing my creative writing piece in English, a classmate asked me for my R.E. book, since the test was open-notes. I pulled out what I assumed to be my R.E. book but was actually my business studies book! There I was, in the middle of English class, panicking and disrupting my classmates' work. Splendid.

As I panicked, I began to weep. Luckily, another classmate - let's call her Harriett - sat beside me, still writing her piece, but took the risk of helping me out. I told Harriett that I left my book at home, and then she asked me if someone was at home and able to fetch my book. When I said that my mum would be able to do that, she told me to go to the student counter and call home there, since I didn't have a phone. At the student counter, the phone couldn't work, and so I returned to English, still spouting out tears. My teacher noticed how I still looked miserable, and so she offered me her phone (which was unexpected of her since she is pretty strict and the situation didn't relate to English). I dialed my home, but nobody picked up the phone.

The end of period 1 bell rang and the pressure intensified. I was crumbling into pieces but Harriett, my guardian angel, told our R.E. teacher that I had forgotten my book. My R.E. teacher glanced at my crimson coloured face and told me that I could take the test next week! Hurrah!

...But then I had to sit at the back of a silent classroom, dying of boredom and waiting for the end of period 2 bell to ring.

The rest of the day went well, despite the horrifying beginning - thank goodness for that.

Yours sincerely,
Marian

Letters to Primavera ~ The Third One

3/9/15

Dear Primavera,

Why is it that when I need things the most, they never appear? I've been experiencing a severe case of Writer's Block in the midst of writing a creative piece for English; it's been IRRITATING me! I can't seem to write well this week, so I'll just end this letter like it is. Right now I need to take a rest and restore my creativity.

Also, a calamity of assessments has fallen upon me, so I apologise for these short letters.

Yours sincerely,
Marian

Letters to Primavera ~ The Second One

2/09/15

Dear Primavera,

When I talk to an older person, I feel more vulnerable and insecure. I take into consideration that every action I do, every word I say will be mocked by them. I know how adults doubt this generation of teenagers, so it feels like I need to mould myself into the teenager they want me to be. 

All I want is for older people to encourage young people to do more. If we continue to grow up with discrimination against our age group, the time to come will lack leaders, scientists and humanitarians. Nobody wants that. Ever.  

Yours sincerely,

Marian