Letters to Electra - I May Have Returned(?)

Friday, 24th of March, 2017

Dear Electra,

As I write this, I have a formal writing piece due tomorrow, an annotated script and algebra homework due on Monday, and a pile of dishes to wash, yet here I am right now having made the spontaneous decision to update this old blog. Oh, and I'm supposed to be asleep right now (It is currently 9:00pm). In that case, I deserve a warm welcome back from the dead. 

How long has it been since I wrote to you? A year? Meh, I won't check in fear of reading through the letters crafted by such naive fingers; letters that have 'braggart' scrawled between each word. Recalling from my oh so wise memory, I wrote about having fear of the future, underdeveloped feminist propaganda, and being pretentious. As if these sentiments don't make you want to swallow your disgust. 

What else has changed about me? Let's see, enthusiasm has escaped from my aura (which has been replaced by the beautiful essence of bitterness), I pull the most traumatised of faces when I'm deep in thought, I prefer to think more than act. Indeed, Electra, a year's worth of events can transform someone.

Well, this letter is a mess. I'm getting tired now. Good night. Who knows if I continue to write more of these in the future. 

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,

- Marian 

Letters to Electra ~ In the Face of Overwhelming Odds

15th of February, 2016

Dear Electra,

Three weeks into the new school year and so far I am still alive. Within these three weeks of inactive blogging, I honestly haven't completed as many things as I planned to and life has become lackadaisical. I haven't written as much, whether it be in the form of writing letters to you or writing stories for Mercina (the protagonist in my book). I need to figure out how to maintain my creativity for long periods of time.

On the topic of writing, I want to take a break from blogging to write my book. Turns out writing a book is one of the most difficult and exhausting tasks I've committed myself to. Before I came to this decision, I realised I had to write stories whilst generating new ideas for this blog. As every writer should know, it takes a lot of creativity to create content for different things. If you're one of the lucky writers who can generate ideas for different writing ventures at once, shame on you (that means you should give me your powers -- I am envious of your incredible talent).

This year for school I'm studying for NCEA and, obviously, I'm terrified. Besides being terrified, I know studying for this will occupy my time for writing, also remembering that I have other commitments such as music and keeping my health intact. If I focus on Mercina, my grades will fall apart and I will possibly lose my spot in the NCEA class. If I focus on school, I will live in the gloom that my book will never be written when I'd like to finish it. If you know me well, not fulfilling my literary ambitions will leave a heavy burden on me (notice how dramatic that sentence was?).

So, Electra, what I'm trying to convey here is that life's main intention is to bring these situations where you need to balance everything. If you fail, then continue to create new challenges that will teach you the element of balance.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,

- M ★ 

Letters to Electra ~ Welcome to the World of Classical Music

25/01/16

Dear Electra,

Although we're almost a month into 2016, I want to greet you a happy new year. I've decided that the wait for the first day of school would be too long and I've missed writing to you. In between the hiatus I've been writing my book, reading a lot of stories and listening to new types of music.

My new favourite music genre happens to be classical music. It's a beautiful rest from listening to songs with vocals. I adore how classical music is able to tell stories without words and instead uses tones, textures and a variety of musical instruments. As I write this, I'm listening to Cristofori's Dream, a piece I discovered last midnight when I couldn't get to sleep. After listening to it a billion amount of times I went to bed, anticipating the morning when I could listen to it again. If you're new to the genre of classical music, Electra, I definitely recommend this piece. It will immediately pull you into the brilliant world of instrumentals.

Once you've listened to your first piece of classical music, please write to me and describe how it makes you feel. Does it empower you, or does it feel like a hurricane in your ears?

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra - How to be a Woman (Part 2)

14/12/15

This is part 2 of 'How to be a Woman'. To read part 1, simply scroll down a post or click on this link.

Dear Electra,

As you've read from part 1 of this topic, there are no rules for being a woman, but yet everyone around me recommends that there are special traits you need to successfully be a female. In this post, let's analyse each ridiculous rule from part 1 and reverse it.

  1. "Always listen to what people have to say about you and act upon it. If they say you're too ugly, add a little bit of makeup on your face."

There's so much negativity in this world that you can't help but succumb to what people have to say. Society demands unrealistic expectations from everybody, but when you look at it realistically they're aiming to change girls the most. If you're receiving hate, don't change anything and keep on doing what you love. If it becomes overwhelming, feel free to reveal your sassy side. That will shut them up.

  2. "You must keep your room neat. You're a woman, not a boy."

This rule not only focuses on keeping your room neat because of your gender, but maintaining stereotypes in everything you do. Everybody knows about gender stereotypes, like how 'girls have to be prim and proper'. All genders should be free to oppose these ridiculous stereotypes. 

  3. "You must wear dresses that reach the ankle. No pants, no leggings and certainly no booty shorts."
I can't count how many articles I've read about how girls should dress. Schools and workplaces all over the world have the craziest dress codes that target girls. I read one article where a girl who wore a skirt that covered her knees but still was asked to change to a 'more suitable outfit'. I believe that everyone should wear whatever they want to, as long as they're comfortable. 

  4. "You must shave off every single follicle of hair that is found on you -- most importantly, the hair on your head."
Why do men get away with wearing beards and having unshaved arms, but yet when women have a little bit of peach fuzz it's the main issue on the table? Women, especially teenage girls, shouldn't be reprimanded about this at all. It persuades us to become insecure.

  5. "You must not get an education but learn to become a housewife. Without the woman, a house is not a home."
Another rule about gender stereotypes. I watched a video from Buzzfeed where they ask strangers to associate a mix of people with different occupations. The strangers linked the women with female-dominated careers (e.g. nursing), and the men with male-dominated careers (e.g.fields in science). In reality, the women were in science careers and the men worked for childcare. This video proved that women can handle what men can do, and vice versa. 

  6. "You must not play sports. It is forbidden for women to sweat a droplet as this affects their ladylike-ness. Women are also banned from showing some kind of strength."
This is the rule where I cringe the most. In some parts of the world, women are forced to stay out of fields where men are dominating, such as sports. Women are forced to maintain the house rather than participating in sports. Sports help people to gain skills in sportsmanship, teamwork, body and logic skills. I think it's important for everyone to experience that.

  7. "You must not leave the house without a man. What will happen if you get lost in the middle of nowhere?" 
This is the only rule in this list where I believe applies to the real world. I've watched videos where women are sexually harrassed on the streets and basically everywhere they go. Sometimes to stop that harrassment you'd have to be accompanied by a man. Reality sucks, right?

  8. "You must not have any weapons on you. This includes pepper spray, tasers and anything hard like a book. "
However, if a man can't accompany you everywhere you go, feel free to defend yourself with anything. 


To all the women/girls out there, be strong and defy stereotypes. Show the world how strong you can be.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra - How to be a Woman (Part 1)

13/12/15

Dear Electra,

Throughout the years I've lived as a female, I've looked up to other women and have followed their teachings. Here's what I found out:

How to be a Woman

Rules according to older women (and some men)

Please read until the very end.

1. Always listen to what people have to say about you and act upon it. If they say you're too ugly, add a little bit of makeup on your face. 
2. You must keep your room neat. You're a woman, not a boy.
3. You must wear dresses that reach the ankle. No pants, no leggings and certainly no booty shorts.
4. You must shave off every single follicle of hair that is found on you -- most importantly, the hair on your head.
5. You must not get an education but learn to become a housewife. Without the woman, a house is not a home.
6. You must not play sports. It is forbidden for women to sweat a droplet as this affects their ladylike-ness. Women are also banned from showing some kind of strength.
7. You must not leave the house without a man. What will happen if you get lost in the middle of nowhere? 
8. You must not have any weapons on you. This includes pepper spray, tasers and anything hard like a book. 
9. And most importantly,

BREAK ALL THE RULES.

All throughout my life, I've been reprimanded for doing "unladylike" things such as speaking out about something or keeping my room a little bit messy. These things shouldn't be looked upon as "disgusting" or anything bad. If I want to speak out about things or leave my room the way it is, let me. 

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra - A Battle of Changes

5/12/15

Dear Electra,

SCHOOL FINISHED YESTERDAY! I'm confused about how I feel about this. This school year I've made so many connections to people my past self wouldn't even talk to. I've put myself in risks that have challenged my anxiety. I've changed.

Change is frightening. At one stage you're getting on with life as usual, and then BAM! You're placed in a new situation. But what if we never experience change? That would be tedious and weary. Imagine if we repeated everything. One season, one year in school, one routine. Even though I'm a conservative person, thinking about the latter makes me cringe.

In the end, change is good. Change stimulates us to adapt to new situations. Without change, we would never discover our strengths, weaknesses and personalities.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra - Elaine and Rochelle

27/11/15

Dear Electra,

I can't believe there are such things as coincidences. It just happens that Elaine, my friend, and Rochelle, my sister, share a birthday, which also happens exactly one month before Christmas. Since it is a tradition on Electra and Marian to describe a personal story I share with the people celebrating their birthdays, I'm going to write about both Elaine and Rochelle respectively.

Fun fact: I've known Gwen, Charisma and Anjeline since primary school and Sera since year seven, but Elaine is relatively new to my friendship circle. We did know about each other's presence in year seven, but we never talked to each other. Our first conversation happened on our way back from a school trip in year eight. Since Gwen, being the only friend I had at that time, didn't attend the school trip, I was a little bit wary of the people on the bus. When the bus was about to move I had no choice but to sit next to a random girl.
"Hello. So, what would you like to be when you grow older?" I asked awkwardly as she turned her head away from the window. We had just visited a careers expo.
"I don't know, maybe something artsy? Maybe fashion designing," Elaine replied.
"I'd love to become a psychologist."
"Really? My mum's a psychologist. She helps women, specifically those who have gone through pregnancies."
Elaine, if you're reading this, I'd like you to know that I appreciate you as a friend. I love the logical conversations we have and the eternal list of puns you say every time we meet. I'm glad I have a friend who also understands the power of literature. Happy belated birthday.

Being the only sister I have, Rochelle is like the teddy bear I've had since kindergarten - full of memories but huggable all the same. It's hard to pick a memory from someone who I see every day. I guess the best memories I have of her are when we talk to each other and bond over her eight-year-old thoughts. Like every time we hop on the trampoline, whenever she blows bubbles or helping her to read books. Reading books with her seems the most significant, since reading is something we have in common - maybe the only quality we share is our infatuation for reading!
Rochelle, if you're also reading this, please do me a favor: grow up to be ready for the world. You're still eight years old, which gives you the chance to develop and cram as many things into your head before you turn into an angsty teenager like me. You're the best sister I will ever have in my life, no matter how we turn out in the future. Mum, Dad, and I all love you.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra ~ Pretentious

21/11/15

Dear Electra,

Hell Week finished a week ago, but somehow I didn't find enough time to write you a letter. I guess I was experiencing post-exam stress as I was desperate to find my results. Have you ever gotten that feeling, Electra? The feeling that you still need to study even though Hell Week was over? I can't stop allowing that trauma to take over me. All I'm glad about now is that Hell Week has perished for 2015. Thank goodness.

Of course, you know I'm not fully satisfied with the peacefulness of the post-exam period. Earlier this week my English teacher asked if anyone would like to participate in a speech competition. The acceptance was optional, but yet I chose to take the risk of revealing my hidden voice to a large audience. My decision frightens half of me, but the independent woman in me wants to expose what's been on my mind since... forever. Most of the participants have done/are completing training in speech and drama and/or have an astounding amount of confidence compared to my silent nature. I can't tell you what my topic will be, but I know it would be enough to astonish at least one person in the room (I've actually told my English teacher and she seemed pretty fascinated).

Wish me good fortune, Electra; I need all of it.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra - For Every Road Trip Action There is a Nauseous Reaction

24/10/15

Dear Electra,

Last Wednesday my family and I travelled to Auckland, which lies hours away from the city I live in. As we were riding in the car, I couldn't focus on where I was or what was happening. I've had spells of dizziness like this before (mentioned in past letters) but it got to the point where I passed out constantly, even if I had medicinal oils rubbed on my forehead or if the car wasn't moving. Nobody in my family pointed out that I had a pale face, although I felt like I did.

I'm currently spending my Saturday at a Filipino basketball festival, sitting in the bleachers and ignoring the constant buzz of cheering audiences. On the way here, despite it being a short distance from the city I live in, I fell into a moderate state of nausea. As I write this, Electra, my handwriting is deteriorating and all I could write are squiggly lines. Let's carry on anyway.

Somehow these two events are connected, or maybe I'm just allergic to road trips. Isn't it a depressing allergy? It means that I can't fulfill my wanderlust without dropping my blood pressure and failing to take in a beautiful view. Hopefully my body can get back into its original state soon.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual.
- M ★ 

Letters to Electra - Let's Talk About Sexism

14/10/15

Dear Electra,

I'm back after a hiatus with Primavera! I've also completed week 1 of my fourth school term this year, which means that exams and assessments are crawling closer behind me. This also means that I have to hibernate from writing letters to you again soon.

As I remain on the same topic about school, there's been more sexism now than I've experienced earlier this year. It's 2015, people! I thought we could wrap our thoughts around this predicament by now.

Some adults may say that boys 'tease' girls to flirt and to get their attention, but it's actually worse. Who flirts by mistreating others? Why can't boys treat girls like human beings and not like wild animals? Do boys struggle to see the light in the opposite gender?

This brings me to another sub-topic: when girls achieve their best or have big goals, why do boys have the reflex of focusing on our bodies? I heard an example of this very recently when some friends of mine won a competition:
"Woah, she looks so hot."
"Yeah. I'd put her in my bed in a millisecond."
Well, that's not what they said word for word, but it's enough for you to comprehend my message.
When can boys accept the fact that girls can do whatever they can do?

My reason for writing this is not to shame some males for their libertine actions, but to remind them that females and other types of genders are as important as they are. When you see an example of sexism online, in real life or anywhere else, please try to combat it. This also applies to racism, any type of bullying and any other type of discrimination in this world.

Stay powerful and beautiful as usual,

- M ★ 

Letters to Primavera ~ The Thirtieth (And Final!) One

30/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Goodbye.

Well, you're going to be here for a few more months, but I am saying farewell as I stop writing letters to you.

You have been a source of relief and warmth for me during this stressful month. You've celebrated four birthdays, explored the deeper qualities of my personality and had to put up with my boredom all in thirty days. You've accompanied me when I wanted to talk to someone about my panic attacks and personal thoughts when everybody was occupied, or when I was too afraid to talk to another human being. 

I am much obliged to you for following me on my journey throughout (almost) every day of September 2015.

Thanks.

Until next September (hopefully!),

Marian.

P.S.: Stay powerful and beautiful as usual.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Nineth One

29/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Last night the group and I had our second sleepover in the month of September. Well, for Sera it was her first since she couldn't attend the previous one.

This sleepover was to celebrate the fourteenth birthday of Serafina, who was actually born on the twenty-sixth this month. Everyone, as expected, arrived perfectly on time... and then there were Anjeline and me, who arrived one hour later. Although this ticked me off a little, I wouldn't change what happened afterwards.

During the afternoon, everyone separated into smaller gatherings in the living room. At one corner sat Anjeline with the birthday girl as they typed busily on their phones. Our friend, Melody, slumped on one of the couches and tapped away on her phone. On the arm of the opposite couch perched Elaine, who filled out a word document on her laptop. And then the leftovers, Charisma, Gwen and me, engrossed ourselves with the Backstreet Boys. Yes, Primavera. I don't like modern trends, but the '90s and previous generations fascinate me.

When all of us grew apathetic of doing nothing, we all raided the playground across the road. A special feature of the playground was a large swing that could fit about five people at once, and I couldn't help but lie down on it and get my friends to become my humble servants and push me. Eventually, I allowed my friends to hop on and giggled until we ran out of breath. Running around the street and acting like five-year-olds was definitely a better alternative to depriving ourselves of social interaction.

After a scrumptious dinner cooked by Sera's mum, we gathered in the lounge and watched 'The Notebook', avoiding the indecent scenes of course - a lovely ending to a memorable day in our friendship.

Yours sincerely,
One who has lovely friends.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Eighth One

28/09/15

Dear Primavera,

You know how people identify as either introvert or extrovert? Unlike them, I fit perfectly in the middle.

At first, I thought I was an introvert since I am extremely shy and unable to talk to people without bluffing. I'd rather go on Tumblr in the comfort of my dark room than attend lavish balls. I relish silence more than listening to people's delightful conversations.

But then, there's another side to my persona. I live my life with the fear of being forgotten by my loved ones. When I'm not surrounded by a person or a group of people, I can't have someone to listen to my incessant rants and give me helpful advice. When I'm alone I feel vulnerable at times.

If I'm alone, then I become angry. If I'm surrounded by people, then I become angry as well. I understand myself.

Yours sincerely,
An intro-extro-vert.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Seventh One

27/09/15

Dear Primavera,

It has only been two days since the end of Term 3 and I am abhorrently bored. Fatigued out of my mind.

When I am not encouraged to stress about something that tiny spark of ambition disappears from my mind.

I can't seem to grab the tiniest pinch of my creativity from my mind. I'm not even sure if I could write anything more apart from the fact that I'm unoccupied and lonesome.


Yours sincerely,
All the thoughts Marian can generate for now.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Sixth One

26/09/15

Dear Primavera,

The year seven version of myself had social anxiety (I still have social anxiety. Nothing has changed), which made it difficult to ask for help or sit with anyone at lunchtime. I tried to cling onto my primary school friends, but eventually they had branched out and met new friends. I was solitary.

However, someone changed that.

During P.E., my class and I played t-ball (technically, I just stood there (when I say nothing has changed, absolutely nothing has changed)) and as the game went on, I saw these two girls standing and gossiping across from me and they returned my glare. One of them was a primary school friend, and the other one seemed to be a Filipina. They both approached and invited me to gossip along with them since I was as still as a stick.
"So," I said to the Filipina-looking girl, "are you from the Philippines?"
"Well, my mum is a Filipina. I was born here," she replied.
"I also heard that you were from Eye-ran."
"It's pronounced 'Eee-ran', and yes, my dad is Iranian," she corrected.
The tedious game of t-ball lingered on as the three of us giggled in the sunshine and completely ignored the whole class.

This Filipina-Iranian girl has taught me to be more confident and care less about negative thoughts. Despite the burdens we have come across in our friendship, she remains one of the most faithful people I've ever met.

Happy birthday to the beautiful Serafina.

Yours sincerely,
A grateful friend.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Third One

23/09/15

Dear Primavera,

Anjeline arrived at 5:00 p.m. We began to rehearse the scene that entwines the whole plot. Every time we tried to rehearse the scene, either one of us began to chuckle. However, after about fifteen rehearsals we successfully filmed it! Yay! A true teenage effort!

----------JUMP CUT TO THE 24TH OF SEPT.----------

I couldn't write anything last night because I was furiously editing our short film. It took about two hours to edit the whole movie because I had to use two different facetious programmes. The first one said that I had used up all my memory, and the second one crashes whenever I use it. It also took me one hour to convert the whole film into a suitable video file. Since this all began at 8:00 p.m., I had to surpass my bedtime and had to bear the next day sleep deprived. Yay! A true teenage effort!

Yours sincerely,
I don't know why I've written this post. I need sleep.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Fifth One

25/09/15

Dear Primavera,

As soon as that 2:45 p.m. bell rings, the students at my school will taste the refreshing flavour of freedom and relaxation.

Well, except for me.

I'm a study freak. I can't help it! I can't pass a day without at least an hour of studying something. It could be anything, as long as it's an academic subject.  When I try to avoid studying, a wild spirit appears in front of me and haunts me for hours, begging for some sort of nourishment. As that spirit rages on and on, I transform into an emotional wreck.

Goodbye to term three, and good luck to me finding something to study during this tedious time.

Yours sincerely,
A student about to enter a state of ennui.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-Fourth One

24/09/15

Dear Primavera,

I forgot to write about the premiere of our film assignment in the last letter. I was so exhausted that as soon as I wrote the 'yours sincerely' part, I hibernated my laptop and passed out.

Before I write to you about the premiere, two days ago my English teacher approached me as I was doing my work. She noticed that Ophelia and Anjeline weren't present and so I was left deserted.
"It doesn't seem realistic that you could finish your short film by tomorrow," she said.
Well, it turned out that our group managed to finish the entire movie in hours.
Yesterday, when our film project was due, I delightfully announced that my group and I had finished our short film. Our English teacher dropped her jaw in awe.

As our other classmates' short film played, I grew more and more anxious by the seconds. I knew our group worked hard, but I began to think our movie had no potential against the other movies. I just wanted to crumple the entire video and burn it in a furnace.

At the end of our short film, most of my classmates seemed impressed. We don't know our grade yet, but hopefully we passed the standard.

Yours sincerely,
A young filmmaker who is glad this assignment is over.

Letters to Primavera~ The Twenty-Second One

22/09/15

Dear Primavera,

I've had enough of this short film assignment. Both Anjeline and Ophelia aren't showing up to any filming sessions or school today, and Ophelia brought the camera home with her.

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh! It's so bad! Why is this happening! It's not supposed to happen! We should have an extension during the holidays. We're not showing these films to our parents until next term, so why can't we do that instead?

------------------- JUMP CUT TO THE LATER AFTERNOON -------------------

There is hope for our short film! Anjeline is coming to film after school today despite her mild illness. However, Ophelia is nowhere to be found. I bet she's not even sick. I'll update you later on how our filming goes.

Yours sincerely,
A relieved filmmaker.

Letters to Primavera ~ The Twenty-First One

21/09/15

Dear Primavera,

When/if you saw my face today, you could try to count the spots on my and never reach the end.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm stressed.

I arrived at school this morning, using the tiny bit of sanity left inside of me. When I encountered Ophelia at the school gate, I lost that sanity and transformed into a monster. I just couldn't help it. She missed out on filming because she had to go to town.

Another thing is that Anjeline didn't show up to school today. All of my hope for this assignment was about to flow down the drain until Ophelia arranged to film this afternoon. We filmed a little bit of the ending and completed the storyboard. It may be some work completed, but it still wasn't enough. I am still stressed out nonetheless.

Yours sincerely,
An extremely anxious student.